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Six Side Effects of Using a Central Vacuum

June 29, 2010

WARNING! Here are six side effects you could experience from using a Beam central vacuum.

1.) Inability to use bad allergies as an excuse to miss work

That’s right, in a clinical study done by the University of California at Davis School of Medicine, dust allergy suffers saw a significant decrease in symptoms when using a Beam central vacuum in their homes (  This is because a Beam vacuum is up to 5 times more powerful than a traditional vacuum.  While stand-up vacs just circulate irritating dust and dander back into the air, a Beam central vacuum removes 100% of debris it comes in contact with.  With your nasal allergies reduced by 47%, non-nasal by 48%, eye by 61%, and sleep improved by 44%, you’re going to have to find another excuse to call in sick.  Maybe a snowboarding accident?

2.) Elimination of all household spiders

Your Beam vacuum will be so light-weight and easy to use, you’ll be vacuuming up spider-webs in areas of your home you didn’t even realize existed!  With the various extend-able arms, those nasty creatures won’t stand a chance, no matter which high-up corner they decide to hide in.

3.) Becoming more musically up-to-date

You’ll be shocked when you discover how quiet a Beam central vacuum system is.  So quiet, in fact, that you’ll be able to rock out to the latest music as you vacuum.   Since the power unit is kept in the garage or basement, central vacuums are dramatically more quiet than traditional vacuums.  On top of that, thanks to Beam’s patented Quick Pak  Sound Insulation System, Beams are the quietest central vacuums in the world.  So when your kids ask you what you think about Lady Gaga, instead of scratching your head in confusion, you can tell them while you appreciate her Madonna-inspired style, they’re not allowed to listen to her song Love Game until the age of 18.

4.) Development of an obsessive compulsive need to vacuum up pet hair

Beam central vacuums literally have hundreds of attachments and accessories available for cleaning any surface imaginable.  There’s the Mini-Blind Attachment for sucking up the dust that collects on blinds, the DeCinder for vacuuming your fireplace, and even the WonderWand for cleaning refrigerator coils.  A tried-and-true favorite of our customers is the VacPan sweep inlet, an automatic dustpan which allows you to sweep crumbs into an inlet to be instantly sucked away!  Thus, don’t be surprised if you find yourself chasing Spot around the house with the Pet Grooming Brush so you can vacuum up the hair before he even has a chance to shed!

5.) A strange desire to decorate your home entirely in white

Beam central vacuums clean so well and so easily, dirt, mud and debris won’t stand a chance.  With the Beam Rugmaster Plus Power Team on your side, you’ll no longer be afraid to buy that white carpeting you’ve always wanted!   Why not throw in a white couch, too?

6.) Using your central vacuum system to impress household visitors

We promise you’ll love your Beam central vacuum system so much, you’ll want to show it off to everyone.  While we are certain all your neighbors will be impressed, it might be a good idea to serve them a nice glass of wine before demonstrating your vacuum’s ability to clean ceiling fan blades.  However, be certain to mention your central vacuum system if you plan on reselling your home, because having Beam central vac has been shown to increase a home’s value by several thousand dollars! Thus, your Beam central vacuum will not only make your neighbors jealous, it will serve as an investment for your home!

Do you own a central vacuum? What side effects have you experienced?

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From → Central Vacuums

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